my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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