I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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