if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
