You're earring is so big in my mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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