Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize