I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
