just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
