so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
