You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i now understand why vodka
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
