If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
