whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
