Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
