why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
