Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
