Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
