you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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