Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just cut my nipple shaving
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I want is dick and wine.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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