I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
