I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
