First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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