you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
