tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
