I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
