He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
