Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
