he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
