They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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