I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
