theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
