i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You may now shotgun with the bride
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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