I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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