im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
