I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
