from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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