i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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