After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
