so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
