sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
