i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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