garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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