I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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