Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
