I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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