My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
