Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
