i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
