Cold hands, warm shart.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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