I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
