she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
