I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
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just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...