It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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