It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
