We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
