The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
