Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
