these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
