she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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