Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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