i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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