No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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