call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
