I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
