Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
