is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
