woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
