I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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