hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fuck appropriateness.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
