I hate all girls vehemently.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
