I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
