Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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