it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
